Don't Fire the Committee Members ..... Retire Them!

"Committee Members" - Do you have them in your head? I'm going to say that we all have them -- or at least most of us have at least experienced them living in our heads.

Let me explain: You get an invitation to your cousin's birthday party. Then you have a thought - "I really don't want to go - I have other things to do that day". Next thought - "If I don't go my aunt will be upset" -- Next thought - "And my mother -- Oh my mother will be really upset" -- Next thought - "I don't even like this cousin - why did she even invite me?" -- Next thought - "Well - if I went I would get to see those cousins that I do like" -- Next thought - "But I really do have things planned for that day - I don't want to go"

I'll stop here -- but there can be many, many more thoughts than just these few. Now you find yourself in a bit of a quarry - should I or shouldn't I go?

Should I or shouldn't I? That question can cause great confusion in your life. Not knowing what is the right decision to make.

Why all this confusion? Where are all these thoughts coming from?

If you have a hard time making decisions - if you feel confused about your options - maybe you have what I call the "committee members" living in your head.

I discovered the "committee members" about 20 years ago when I was in a 12 step program. At that time I had a lot of self doubt and I was not happy about where my life was going. This was not something that I talked freely about with my friends. But now in a 12 step group - people were talking about their "stuff" - the things that bothered them.

It was in this group environment that I realized just how much confusion I had within myself. Making a decision always was so difficult - I became aware of how much I doubted my decisions.

I was aware that we all have self-talk and I had read that on average we think about 50,000 thoughts a day. 50,000 thoughts a day! Who thoughts are those? I certainly can not recall than many thoughts that I have had in a day!

I was aware I did have a dialogue that went on in my head… But -- it hit me -- if it was just 1 voice - it would be consistent - don't you think? In other words -- if I had a voice that was telling me to look for a new job -- that would be the theme in my self talk. But that wasn't the case -- I would have a thought that said -- look for a new job - than another voice that said - don't do that you are comfortable where you are - Another voice that said - this job you have sucks you deserve better -- the next thought said -- are you kidding you need to stay where you are - you can't get a better job -- and on and on and on…..

Why all these conflicting thoughts? If this is my self talk -- why are there so many differing opinions going on in my head?!

It was then that I realized -- all these voices didn't really belong to me -- they belonged to opinions that I had heard and gathered through my life. They were the voices of my mother, father, siblings, teachers, newspapers, bosses, friends, co-workers. In essence there were other people's voices in my head!

That is when I dubbed these voiceless voices - "the committee members" -- A bunch of conflicting thoughts and opinions on any given subject. Those thoughts - where the root of any confusion I had in my life.

OK so now I had the root of my confusion -- but -- how can I change that. It felt to me that I had no control over these thoughts. I had no control over the "committee members"!

I also became aware of the fact that I did indeed have my own voice. I did indeed have an instinctual knowing about any given topic -- but it usually got driven right out as the committee members were much louder than it.

So - I knew these committee members were active because I had self doubt. I doubted my own instinctual response. I doubted it so much - I allowed these "committee members" to speak their mind!

I knew the "committee members" had to go…. So -- I fired them! Yup I told them to get out! I didn't want their opinions. Well - that kinda worked - it worked because I was now aware that these conflicting thoughts - my confusion was because I doubted myself. I doubted my intelligence, my feelings, my instincts - I doubted me!

But as time went on -- whenever I had any self doubt going on - the "committee members" were back in full force. I use to say - they moved back in!

Then I realized the truth in the statement -- "what you resist - will persist" I had certainly resisted these other thoughts -- and I promise you they were persisting!

So - I took another approach -- I felt the act of firing was an act of resistance. So …. I retired them. I was aware that these thoughts - these "committee members" were indeed answering my own call out to life. I was looking outside of me for answers as I did not trust my own instincts.

These committee members actually moved into my head because of my lack of self-confidence. So - in essence they did do what I wanted them to do. As a matter of fact they gave me so many opinions -- they did their job well.

I sat down one afternoon and I wrote and wrote and wrote. I thanked these committee members. I thanked them for coming - I thanked them for doing a great job -- and then I told them I no longer needed their services! I was now ready to accept responsibility for my own life. I was ready to tap into to my own instincts. I was ready to trust me! So - I told them committee members - thanks for coming - thanks for a great job - you can retire and never come back again!

It was a truly empowering moment for me.

Sounds Crazy? Well -- it worked!! I had finally come into my own. I was finally aware that my thoughts - were mine -- and that I did not have to follow any path that other's told me to.

Maybe you don't call them "committee members" - but if you are finding that you have a hard time making decisions - If you feel you have self-doubt and you lack self confidence. It could be that you have "committee members" living in your head!

Are my committee members totally gone? Well -- you've heard stories of a company that retired their old staff and brought in new leadership -- and the old staff would come back to visit and try to give advice. Sometimes my old staff does try to offer their services again… but my awareness level is so high now -- I have so much more self confidence and self trust. So when they come knocking on the door… I don't answer it!

Try it -- what do you have to lose? Acknowledge your committee members and then Retire them -- don't Fire them!