What do you say when you talk to yourself?

What do you say when you talk to yourself? Hmmm.....interesting question - isn’t it?

Are you thinking that you don’t talk to yourself? Well the truth is - we all talk to ourselves. I’m not saying that your roam the streets rambling back and forth to yourself! The “talking” I am talking about is the thoughts that run around in your head - self talk that inner voice.

I will make a confession and admit -- yes I do talk out loud to myself! Hmmm I have days I do that quite often. No - I don’t wander the streets bantering -- well at least not yet I haven’t! J

But that is not the self talk - I’m talking about……… We humans have about 60,000 - 70,000 thoughts per day!! And…. most of those thoughts are repetitive! 

If you aren’t aware of what those repetitive thoughts contain - well they could be leading you down a path you don’t want to go........

Here is an example I became highly aware of - maybe you identify with this….

You have an appointment in the morning -- maybe it is about a promotion on your job - maybe it is with a new, very sought after client, maybe it is your annual progress report at your job. Whatever it is - you deem this appointment important and you certainly want to get there on time and looking and feeling good.

So……..when you retire at night you set your clock for 6am. That is going to give you plenty of time to get ready for this appointment….and off to sleep you go.

6am comes and that clock starts ringing -- but you are really tired today - so you reach over and hit the snooze button. Wait - before you reached over to hit that snooze - you had a thought, Now that is a given - you have to have a thought before you do anything…. So the thought was probably something like - “I have plenty of time - I’ll just lay here for a few more minutes” …..

9 minutes later there goes that clock again -- this time you might be aware of the thought -- “Ohhh I’m really tired - I’ve been working so hard - I know I can get ready quickly”

9 minutes later there it goes again - this time you look at the clock and you jump up -- Wait -- before you jumped up you had a thought -- something like “Oh Geez - I’m going to be late!”

Off to the shower you go -- and now you are in a big hurry! In the shower here goes those thoughts and they are probably like this - “I can’t believe this - I’m going to be late - this is so important - how can I be so stupid - I’m going to really mess this up - I do crap like this all the time….”

The list of these thoughts could go on….. But take a moment and realize something here -- These thoughts, this inner voice, is now beating you up and setting you up for doom! And…..here is the kicker -- just ½ hour earlier the thoughts were telling you how you deserve to take the extra time in bed!

So -- where are these thoughts coming from and who are they coming from?!

Well they aren’t coming from an outside force -- so obviously they are thoughts that have been running in our heads! These are some of those repetitive thoughts that run around. They are indeed “self-talk” - our own inner voice!

It’s quite possible they have been around for years! Lots of these thoughts stem from when we were younger and other people were telling us how and when we were inappropriate.

I personally do think it really matters where they came from - what matters is that I am aware they are there…. and I learn how to change them.

I never really thought about my thoughts -- until I read the book by Shad Helmstetter - “What to say when you talk to yourself”. I read that book in the early 90’s and it got my attention.

With 60-70,000 thoughts running around in our heads on a daily basis - trying to monitor those thoughts would certainly make me screwy. If you tried to monitor all of your thoughts- you wouldn’t have time to do anything else… But just realizing that thoughts are running around - raised my awareness level.

I started to understand - the power of my thoughts - the power of my “self-talk”.

So -- I went on a quest -- a quest to change those not-so-positive thoughts -- into as many positive thoughts possible!

Take the appointment scenario -- So - here you are running around the house trying to get ready -- as those thoughts are telling you how you just royally screwed up. Obviously you are now flustered -- that’s usually when the next thing you know - your outfit doesn’t look right - your hair just decided to have a *bad hair day* -- And you just burnt your toast!

You grumble to your mate - kick the dog out of your way - jump in the car and speed off. Your heart rate is faster - your blood pressure is up -- and all the while those thoughts are still there - probably beating you up even more.

You get to that appointment and you certainly are not in your optimum space! Even if you did indeed get there on time! Whatever interaction you have with this person it certainly is not your best shining through.

I’m have been in this type of scenario several times in my life -- and when I realized how powerful my self talk is -- I started to make changes in what I said to myself. Shad’s book - gives actual scripts to follow -- I personally adjusted those scripts to fit me. 

So when I was aware of a negative self talk thought - I learned how to quickly turn that thought back around. Doing this - slowly at first - has made huge changes in my life… I rarely am late for those appointments and most importantly I like myself much better and I talk to myself much kinder now!

Next time you are feeling uncomfortable - stop and pay attention to the thoughts that are going on in your head - you might be surprised at what you hear!

PS: Shad Hemstetter's book was written in 1990 - but I would still recommend it - read my review in the Book Review section on this website